Determination

Determination: n. Firmness of purpose; resolve. 

Years ago, I had applied to the Foreign Service as a foreign service officer. After a significant round of application requirements, I was invited to travel to Washington, D.C. to take the oral assessment with a group of others. The assessment was difficult, as expected, and I enjoyed working with other, similar-minded people. In the end , I was short .25 points to move to the next round in the hiring process. I felt defeated and depressed--I had come so close to something about which I was passionate and spent much time and energy. Several years later I was diagnosed with Dyslexia. Even today, I wonder if the outcome would have been different had I known about my learning disability (e.g., I would have likely been provided accommodations of more time). While disappointments are common throughout life, I continued to pursue my passions with determination. I was able to study in Istanbul, Turkey and Prague, Czech Republic. I taught at a university for four years while having published two articles in academic journals. I earned a number of awards for my ability to communicate and lead, for conveying my passion for teaching to others, and for ensuring that the safety of others was prioritized.

I'm not boasting--my intent on writing this is to provide examples of what happens as a result of failure (well, what could happen). If you allow fear and failure to dictate your life's trajectory, you're likely not only failing to change personally, but also the ability to change the lives of others. Since we don't operate n a glass tube, our decisions (or indecisions) have a profound impacts on others. You can play it safe and easy, sticking with what is known, nice, and comfortable. You can keep to yourself, limiting interaction with others because safe is easy and neat and not risky. But, change will rarely come about in such circumstances--people don't change when things are easy and safe. Communities don't change when things are known and comfortable. But, change happens when people are determined to change, when they have resolve and fortitude.

I was a police officer for nearly eight years. While I liked my job greatly, there were aspects of it that made the role challenging, such as the bureaucratic thickness that is nearly every police agency, discrimination from being an openly gay police officer from other officers and administration officials, and the 24-hour cycle, where sleep was almost a luxury. By the end of my tenure, my stress level was unbearable--I had developed insomnia, severe indigestion, and I was irritable most of the time. My circumstances made change necessary. I needed something different and new and challenging. I resigned in August of 2009, where I left a good-paying job, great benefits, a guaranteed pension, amongst many other perks. I took a huge risk financially and otherwise, effects I still feel today. Though, I don't regret my decision. In fact, that decision propelled me to find the best qualities in me.

Today, I have my own business, where I help people and organizations recognize the potential each have to make a significant difference in their environments within their spheres of influence. But, this business was the result of litany of setbacks--a tortuous road that began as a police officer until very recently. I went from what was safe and comfortable (I use that somewhat loosely) to something possible to something for which I had a vision. 

Imagine a circle. Inside the circle are the words I used in this post--safe, easy, known, nice, and comfortable. Most of us live in this zone, taking few risks and adopting a strategy of inoculation from outside factors. The challenge for me (and you) should be to go beyond the inner safe circle. The next circle, then, would be to make yourself vulnerable to new experiences, such as things that are unknown, uncertain, and risky. Some examples may be meeting new people or traveling somewhere new or reading a book or attending a new workshop. Once you become more comfortable with risk, the idea is to go beyond those two circles, which include some mild success, improved attitude, becoming a self starter, and experiencing personal growth.  When is the last time you experienced personal growth (not to be confused with professional growth)? 

From there, most things are possible. One of my favorite words outside of the first three inner circles is vulnerability. If we don't make ourselves vulnerable, we will likely fail to develop develop trust with others, relationships end up being superficial and vapid, and we don't change anything in our sphere of influence--we play it safe. Another word I like is innovation. Innovation can take many forms, but to me, innovation means being innovative in the way we approach our lives, the people with which we interact, and being innovative in our daily lives. Why be innovative? Because it provides the fuel that runs our internal engine. Because it facilitates the communication between us and society and communities. Because it drives our human instinct to change things that we feel need to be changed. 

I have encountered numerous failures, but the one thing that has kept my engine running has been the determination I've had to improve not only myself but to improve the lives of others. It's that strong determination to change my circumstances so that I can continue to be a productive member of society--to progress my sphere of influence. Write this diagram down and refer to it often as a reminder that everyone has the potential to create their circumstances. d

Safe-->Vulnerable-->Desirable-->Vulnerable-->Possible-->Vulnerable-->Innovating